My apologies, Couch Surfing Involves traveling

I would like to start with a public apology to my three followers, I did not mean to ruin your weekend by not sharing yet more advice on how to live this lavish lifestyle. I was actually away for the weekend, which leads me to the best part of living this way. Weekend Getaways. They are absolutely essential when it comes to perfecting the art of couch surfing. Really the trick to this is convincing yourself you don't need a place because you are never home. It just validates you, and makes you feel like you are actually being smart.

This particular weekend I took the train to San Diego. Why the train? Well, it was a simple decision really, there was going to be an all you could drink brunch on Sunday, therefore I decided in order to get my money's worth, I should definitely take the train. I had this grandiose idea about the train as well, it seemed so European..... so you can imagine my surprise when we stopped in Anaheim. The day of an Angels game. There was nothing European about this moment. Just a bunch of sunburned wasted people piling into the snack car. Needless to say, I was in heaven, it exceeded my expectations, and I felt like I belonged.

My friend picked me up at union station downtown and was totally impressed with my suitcase for my overnighter. He knows me as the low, or rather, no maintenance person that I am, so for a moment I fooled him with my carry on for an overnighter. Before he had a chance to get too excited, I informed him I just grabbed it out of the trunk of my car, it was prepacked, because that is the way I roll. I did however add two bottles of wine to the bag, one was supposed to be enjoyed on the train, however I opted to buy the vodka sodas instead. For a couple of reasons, the most important being the "bartender" was reading the last installment of the Twilight series, so she immediately became my best friend. The other reasons had to do with running to the train station after work, and red wine not sounding very refreshing.

As the fates would have it, on this particular trip, I was reintroduced to something that I can't believe I haven't mentioned yet, the blow up mattress. Even when I had an actual place to live, I slept on a blow up mattress. An aero bed to be exact. I had every style too, from the twin to the full size make believe real bed. You know, the one that had extra layers to it, so it blew up as high as a regular bed, one would never know it was an air mattress. At least that is what I fooled myself into believing. I think anyone else who ever even walked past my room, could vouch that it was in fact an oversized blow up mattress, possibly something that could have saved Jack on the Titanic. Just saying.

As a connoisseur of air mattresses, let me just commend the folks who have worked on these throughout the years. I remember when I first started the blow up mattress life, there were no automatic pumps involved. Oh no, you had to blow that shit up yourself. To do so, there was a vacuum involved. Not just that, you had to reverse the functions of the vacuum to blow outward instead of sucking just to make your bed. Seriously, you almost had to have a degree in physics just to go to bed at night. Not to mention, after all that work, you would still wake up in the morning sunken into the mattress on the ground. What was supposed to be a comfortable, convenient, and easy way to sleep, was neither comfortable, convenient, nor easy.

The other amazing feature that has been added to the blow up mattress, is the velour covering over the plastic mattress. It just took someone about twenty years to realize air is cold. Plastic and air is even colder. Sleeping on plastic and air is the equivalent to what people must be talking about when they say "when hell freezes over". I slept with socks on my hands, and a hoodie tied so tight over my face there was only a hole for my mouth left. The velour covering was the holy grail of the blow up mattress world.

It occurred to me in this trip, that this just may be my next investment in my adventures, I mean there is nothing I enjoy more than cuddling up to my gay boys, but sometimes I think the freedom of having a whole mattress to myself may feel amazing. Plus you get that whole fetal sensation when the mattress loses a little air throughout the night, so you wake up in the morning, sunk to the ground in the middle, with the sides rolling up around you. Just the thought of it now is bringing a smile to my face.

Some simple rules to the art of Couch Surfing.

I feel I must back track a little bit. If my first entry is powerful enough to inspire others to share in this lifestyle, I think it only fair to share some tips on how to do this successfully.

#1 - Under no circumstances should you be an asshole. Seriously, in order to have a place to crash, people are going to have to want to be around you. Do not go through life treating people like shit and being so uptight that your mere presence is annoying. If you are unfamiliar of what asshole behavior is, I know of a coffee shop on the west side of Los Angeles I could recommend spending a day in people watching, you are guaranteed to see the epitome of such behaviors.

#2 - You can't be high maintenance. Seriously, this is not a lifestyle for anyone. I couldn't see my sisters doing it, they need to do their hair and make up before going to the corner store for milk. I, on the other hand would roll out of bed and go in my pajamas. This type of care free attitude about my appearance was one of many reason I earned the nickname "the son my father never had" from my sisters.

#3 Must love animals. Seriously people, housesitting/pet sitting gigs are like gifts from the heavens when you are in this space, and you have to be sincere. Don't just pretend, because those animals need to LOVE you, and those owners need to want you and ONL Y you to stay in their home.

#4 No pets of your own. See rule #1, you would have to be an asshole to want to subject a poor animal to this. Pets are for people with homes. This is what separates you from that trust fund squatter on haight street.

this last one is a little obvious, but I will say it anyway

#5 Probably not a good idea to be looking for a relationship. I don't think it is going to be too impressive to anyone when you call ahead to a friend to see if you can bring your date over to watch a movie on the couch you sleep on. Might be a deal breaker, so save that relationship hunting and pet owning for when you have a place of your own.

Ok, so those are some basic rules to start with. If you stick with those, you will at least have a good foundation, we will get into more elevated rules later. Now lets talk supplies you will need. Again, simplicity is the key. Do not lug around some huge ass suitcase place to place. A simple carry on, and perhaps a back pack to transfer items from the carry on, will suffice.

I do recommend investing in multiple toothbrushes, deodorant, and toothpaste. You will want to keep these in your bags at all times.

Do not, under any circumstances, ask to keep your toothbrush at someone's house. That is taking the "crashing for a couple nights" mentality, to a more permanent place, which could, quite frankly, scare people off from letting you stay. You need all the couches and options you can get, so be respectful and take your toiletries with you.

Deodorant, that is an obvious one, if you don't wear deodorant now, please start doing so. Everyone needs to, yes even you who is saying you don't. Seriously, just because you think you don't smell, doesn't mean this is true. Remember, you are not that trust fund baby on Haight Street.

Finally, toothpaste, I can't tell you how many times I have been burned by this one. People like some strange shit. Especially in LA, you're not going to open that medicine cabinet and find some good old fashioned crest. Oh no, you're most likely going to find some of the most disgusting organic, or nasty tasting baking soda shit. If you are saying to yourself right now "I like that stuff", you're lying. Go buy some colgate and thank me later.

This is some basic information to start with. We will get into difficult scenarios, and troubleshooting those scenarios later. For now, take some time to think about if you can deal with the foundation. Is couch surfing right for you?

Why settle for one place to live when you can have many?

I am thirty five years old, with a full time job, making decent money. My car is paid off, I am debt free, and I am a couch surfer. Why you may ask? Simply because I live in LA. This translates to, I have commitment issues. Not when it comes to relationships, restaurants, karaoke bars, or alcoholic beverages, but definitely when it comes to Los Angeles.

I recently found myself in a predicament when my former roommates found a dream house they couldn't pass up, and disbanded our dysfunctional family. I always said the only thing keeping me in this pit of despair known as L.A. was the fact that I LOVED our place. It really was ideal for guests, alone time, and basically living as a recluse in Los Angeles. It was heaven. However, I can understand when you find the perfect place, the need to jump at it, so I was fairly understanding of the situation.

Then I saw the house. I am not positive, but I am pretty sure it was the basis for Leatherface's house in Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Fine, there is some charm to it, but honestly, if I have to do an eight point turn to get out of your driveway, it's not an ideal place to visit, much less live. Hey, to each their own though, and I am sure those two will have that place looking like a palatial palace in no time. It will be like the stars and creators of every gay make over show got together for a special episode of "Extreme Makeover Home Edition". Minus the tears, plus rock band and a kegerator.

Lucky for me though, I have been taken in like a modern day Luke Brower, (for those of you who don't get this reference, that was the name of the homeless character Leonardo DiCaprio played on "Growing Pains". I don't know why that is the first reference that came to mind, since he was like eight, but it was). According to the USPS and more importantly, Costco, where I lay my head at night is at the Descanso Towers. For the most part this is true, but let's just call it what it is, parking around here is a bitch, maybe no eight point turns, but it can take awhile to find something anytime after four. Combine this fact with my pure laziness, and you get a suitcase in my trunk ready to crash at whomever house I end up having dinner at that night.

I know what you're thinking, but it is not a ho bag people. I just really hate looking for parking that much. Yep, so much that I pack a carry on whenever I leave the house. Now that I have planted this idea in your head, don't be ashamed when you start doing it.

So this is where I am at now. Starting off my new couch surfing venture in LA. In the past ten days, I have stayed in three different places, in three different cities. I have spooned two different gay men, and I have bought numerous concert tickets and flights with money that would have otherwise gone towards rent or possibly a security deposit, but who has time to find a place to live with all this adventure happening? And why would I just settle for one place when I can have many? Let the adventures begin!